deadwood

There was an incident last weekend that I have not mentioned. It hurt like fuck and I am still digesting it like I'm being spoon fed week-old vomit.

One of my best friends mothers passed over in July 2006. I had known her since I was a young teenager, 14 to be exact and I thought of her as a mentor. She has helped me get my foot into a museum job some 15 yrs ago. Well loved by me.

Anyway, in the months leading up to her passing I supported my friend and as it got closer I spent more time with the family, cooking dinners, shopping for food, preparing meals, cooking dinner for 15 people to take the strain off. I was there.

I let her talk about her pain, her resentment, her grief. I just listened.

I visited her mother often. I never broke down, because I wanted to be brave for someone who was already sick and scared. I believe in assisting people to cross over by creating no stress.

I was a good friend.

When I asked W about her mothers unveiling (a ritual marking the one year since passing, when the headstone is unveiled) I was told that it was family only. I was a little hurt but got over it because I actually thought she meant her father, her brother and her sisters.

I find out in the weekend, that she actually meant family - aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins, 3rd cousins, 4th, whatever. I think when you cook 300 of anything that means there were alot of people there. In my culture the distinction is very blurred about the definition of 'family'. My daughter calls all my friends 'aunty' because we believe in shared parenting. So when I find that the 'extended' family is invited to this really important ocasion I feel like I have been cut a new rectum.

Fuck me.

So this afternoon when I sat down to write this post, I stopped at fuck me. I actually rang her because the feeling in my stomach overwhelmed me. I rang her and told her to cancel her flights for next month and that no matter how I turned it over and over, her comments still made no sense to me. I told her that I remembered her mother passing, that I had been there, just because of love. To give me a limp arse excuse about 'family' is a contradiction to our relationship. I told her that we're not friends anymore.

So W, I have cut you loose. Like deadwood, I have cut the limb that drains the tree. In truth, you weren't there too much for me anyway. I will not suffer adversely from the lack of your presence. I will try not to miss you.

Goodbye