Mindbound

I feel restrained, bound and restricted. In both of my jobs.....the feeling is caustrophobic. I'm having a midlife crisis. I can't stand the thought of working for someone else, especially when I have to wait for them to make a decision so that I can plough ahead. I just want to plough!!
Even working for myself I still have to wait on other people. I have grown more impatient this year than any other year I can remember. I feel mortal and I feel like I need to accomplish more (see, I told you I was having a midlife crisis!).
Its getting to crunch time, the money has run out, my clients aren't making money (not because of me, just because they insist on doing things their way, their way = unproductive, wasted time and indecision) and I need to get on with the other side of my business so that I can work at the pace I set instead of 'waiting' for other cogs in the wheel to get moving. But guess what!!!! I'm waiting for finance approval LMAO. Irony, back down girl, sit.
Freedom, I crave it, I yearn for it. I have it. Freedom to live how I want, this is actually huge, for the most part I have that freedom, but the reality is I need to pay rent, insurance and power. Then I need an income and this is where the 'freedom' concept is challenged:) Maybe I want irresponsibility rather than freedom? Maybe I just want to run wild and not worry about the bills? And again, this is possible, but at a cost:) GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR byebye house, byebye asset, byebye big old security blanket.
BUT I am going to persist, because I am like the most tenacious dog in the world. I won't let go until I'm shot with a high powered rifle....hahahha, shit I'm sick.
I do have the most insistent feeling about my new business, I have faith and determination. I'm just bloody impatient today. I need news, a break through, a crack in the universe, an intervention of the spiritual kind :)
My freedom is in my mind, a western luxury.
Going to have a shower and get real :)
Hola

H2