Loose

At the moment I feel like I have alot of unresolved situations or is that only in my head?

Some money arrived into my bank account in the weekend, so thats taken the strain off in that area because my sleep was definitely being affected by zero credit in my bank balance. I was bought up in a household of 7 children and two parents with just my Dad working on the Railways so I know whats its like to struggle. There was never any money for anything but food and rent.
I hit the peak of my earning in my last 'government' job that enabled me to live a middle-class life, but my heart wasn't in it in the end. I left with no where to go and thought setting up my own business would be a piece of cake......deluded again :)
So I'm in a familiar place financially and I don't really like it, the uncertainty freaks me. On the other hand, the thought of going back to work for Big Brother makes me feel ill.

I went back to my part time work last Thursday and I hated it. Not just the holiday to work transition, but the whole office, colleagues and clients situation. My boss is nuerotic and paranoid, constantly seeks approval and is quite condescending.....wierd combo even on planet Pluto. When I went to visit a couple of clients I felt dragged down and depressed when I left. I'm thinking WTF? Was it like this last year and I just didn't notice? So I'm feeling over it and its only been 2 days, I'm also feeling negative so I looked in the papers in the weekend for another job. I get $15 an hour.....I used to get paid $35.....LOL, shit, the princess has landed on her ass. I'd settle for $23? So today I have to work on manifesting $23 an hour :)

I texted that guy in the weekend, I felt like I got a lecture in return, but now I think I am being too negative and its affecting all aspects of my life. I don't want to be the 'downer' person, I meet 'downers' all the time and no one wants to hang with them because they make everything grey....sobering and embarassing....


My client came down earlier in the week and I have to let go. I get confused about stuff emotionally and I don't know if my expectations are realistic or not. I never know where the hell he's coming from, I never know his intent. The trouble is, we started from a personal place and things have changed so that it should just be business it feels like too much has gone on. I try and be friends but my friends aren't like him i.e selfish, then I feel guilty for not looking after him when he's here.....uuugh, I'm a headjob.

I think I need to get out of my skin, shed it and slither around for a while.

I'm not generally a downer, I visited a friend in the weekend and she said 'I love seeing you, your like a ray of sunshine'....hmmmm maybe just sometimes? I just bent over and kicked my own arse, it hurt.

Here's a song that I love, makes me want to get my roller skates on and hit the roller disco, anyone want to come, downers optional :)

h2