Corks in a bottle

The weekend was spectacular, sunny, bright, hot and heavenly. I had a friend stay and we manicly spent a day trying to squeeze in two days of activity. Dinner at a little vegetarian restaurant 'The lotus heart', its atmosphere was like heavens waiting room. The colours and the vibe were very tranquil, I couldnt imagine a rowdy family dinner there. Very sophisticated and the food was good. All the women wore sari and most times I am really dubious of non Indians wearing sari, its a little crazy to me, too much wannabe when you just need to be. But they were ok and it added to the ambience. There was one strange moment when they sang happy birthday to someone of importance who was dining that same night. It was a very Catholic school choir rendition of the song, chanted, gregorian monk-like....I wondered if the roller doors might come down over the windows and doors for a split second, trapping us for eternity. All in all, a very unique, pleasant evening, thoroughly surreal.
In the morning we crashed and bashed our way through 10 garage sales and fairs. Both of us are manic about these types of events. Beady eyes, quick hands, moving swiftly in for the kill. Its all a game to be played with oneself, can you scour and detect the very best item there and then obtain it for the least amount of money? All to be bought home like a magpies treasure chest and admired all over again before each treasure finds a new home in a nook or cranny.
Sunday I went swimming, I dove into the rolling waves and proceeded to get knocked off my feet, onto my knees, gulping litres of sea water, filling my ears (which drives me into a frenzy trying to shake it out) and generally thrashed around like a cork in a bottle. Loved it, loved the feeling of the waves, the water, the sun and sand. Trying to swim beyond the breaking waves and being thrown back into their path, like being pawed around by a really really big cat.
The sea or any body of water invigorates me, I leave the water feeling alive, refreshed and revived. Water will always be my purification, it is so easy to understand why it is reverred by so many around the world. The act of cleansing can be total in spirit, body and mind.
The day begins, carpe diem :)

I forgive you...

Dad, David, Adrian, Darren, Roger and Patrick.
Now, let's move on :)

Homely Girl

There was once a manly woman who lived a series of dramas that were sometimes linked by life. Sandwiched in between the breath-holding acts of comedy were snippets of seriousness, sometimes depression and frequent bouts of unconciousness. Sometimes years passed without the slightest ripple in her demeanour, sometimes it seemed that she lurched from one ring of the circus to the next. But always, she lived just beneath the surface, submerged, undetected and fighting few currents.
Given her reluctance to be visible to the public it almost felt to her, that when she was visible, it might be apparent from the moon.
It wasn't her fault. She learnt much later in life about the power of attraction and the effect this power could have on all things in ones life, including embarassing moments. For some, this might number 5, but could be multiplied to 500 with someone that was obsessive in their concentration.
The mere thought of tripping on the stairs in front of a potential mate can then become a real- life slipping, tripping, bannister gripping, skirt-ripping, ankle-twisting, not able to rise from the floor ocassion. What is there to say when all dignity is lost with the somersaulting shoes, as they flip heel over heel in slow motion, the left hand reaches out for the rail that is no longer there and the body fights to maintain control in an uncontrollable situation, the limbs languishing like an epilectic octopus .
Quickly the physical pain replaces pain from shame. And at once the movie plays back quickly in her mind, and a genuine giggle escapes and rolls from deep inside her belly all the way up and breaks forth from her lips. The ability to view herself and her adventures from a third person perspective is a gift, an amazing escape from isolating humiliation and a welcome hug into the shared laughter that often followed her. Thus her presence can be strangely dramatic and comedic without the intention of either :) This year she turns 41 and still reserves a corner of her heart for teenage angst and craziness.
Know thyself, embrace thyself :)

Is this the life?

Sunday evening, mulling over the days events. Sorting and sifting, thoughts into compartments, tucking them into bed, closing the drawers, keeping the mental tidy.
Got up early this morning, couldn't seem to sleep past 7am (usual), made myself toast and opened the door to the Bailey (Rottweiler/Staffy cross, big Cujo of a dog), let the cat out.
Bailey always bolts in, nearly knocking me to the ground with her enthusiasm. Being allowed inside is a BIG deal. She's allowed in for 5 mins while I get her food prepared.
Nala is my male cat, although I think both of my animals have gender identity issues. Nala is the moochiest, softee cat in the world. He often retreats inside when the neighbourhood gets too tough :) Fair enough, not everyone needs to be a fighter. He IS the BEST hunter of mice and of course that redeems him in all ways in my eyes.
Bailey on the other hand is a big lout. Bailey often chases Nala because she's jealous of him (that furry thing that gets to stay inside ALL of the time)
After they were sorted I washed a couple of loads of clothes and hung them out, did the dishes and mopped the floor. By then it was time to go to the market.
I bought a beautiful old pale yellow enamel teapot with an old fashioned yellow and brown knitted teacosy. As I was admiring its perfect condition I dropped it.......ugh. I shuddered when I heard it crash to the ground. My once perfect teapot now had a horrible gouge out its side.....BOOOO. I felt like stamping me feet at my clumsiness and then I actually felt like dropkicking it across the market. Those lessons keep rolling in. I was so pleased and then so forlorn in a matter of seconds:)
I came home and tidied the house and headed out to a youth concert at a local park with my sister and my two neices. It was good, but I really enjoyed the krumping. If I was 20 years younger I'd be there. I like the music and I like the moves, like a cross between hip-hop, haka and voodoo, wicked energy, love it. For myself I actually really like krumping , I'm not a wannabe, I'm happy being 40, but its good to be able to really appreciate whats happening with young people. Get out the DVD "Rize", its awesome.
Nows its evening, I've had a shower, the dogs been walked and fed, the cat has too. Its time to do my hair in preparation for work tomorrow. I'm gonna watch the movie in an hour and then off to the land of nod. The hours fly by and still I have to push myself some more, find the next door and walk through. Later.

Washing machination

I've hit a few holes in the proverbial road of life. I have something like a flat tyre, a little of out air and lacking the necessary cushion to keep rolling. I'm looking for the good, to remind myself of how things could be, treading water and gripping on to the side of the pool:)

Funnily enough if I was in water I would be giggling in no time, water does that to me, it makes all the good things in life rise to the surface and break free to the air, cackling with the realisation that this wonderful substance is the giver of life and healing.

I've been pretty busy - setting up beds, putting up curtain rods and curtains, making beds, putting up mirrors and ornaments, filling holes, assembling drawers, washing basins, scrubbing the bath, washing floors, setting things right in home and mind.

For me, when my room is a mess it usually reflects whats going on in my spirit and mind. I finally tackled my room in the weekend, dragging my ass, putting off what has to be done, has to be done!

So I set to and got it sorted :) Put everything back where it needed to be, bought my bedroom back into balance, bought my spirit with me. Simple really, dont know why I wonder off and make a mess :) Just being my human self I guess.

I moved house three weeks ago, gone a long way from where I used to live. Left my friends behind, transferred to another office, bought my own run down house and started living alone, although I'm not lonely :) I did this intentionally, I needed to change my life, get out of my comfort zone, leave some old patterns that weren't doing me much good and take a leap of faith. Some people do this when they are much younger, I've done it when I was ready :) Girl, you took a while, I hear them say.

So as I write I remember all that I have and the weight of my thoughts is lighter and I feel better. Because there are others that are in pain, who suffer and struggle in much worse places.

Yep, grateful be they name. Sky and back.

h2