Sunday, 21 October 2007

Little Me

Here is little me, 4 years old, scared( actually petrified) lonely, frightened
and serious. Deadly serious. Lacking joy and spontaneity. I look at this picture and it reminds me that the early years were sad. I remember feeling powerless, defenceless too. As if monsters swirled around me, prodding and pinching me, tripping and scratching me. My demons which resided within, certainly felt as if they resided without as well.
I still feel her presence and all the emotions that typified my childhood every now and then. Today I feel powerless, the grapefruit in my throat is present from these days, I hurt, deeply and mournfully. I am alone in my boat, far out at sea, adrift,with no one around me. This feeling is all too present in my life.
I am the captain of my ship, I am the captain of my ship.
Where shall I sail to in my mind?
Let the waters be peaceful, lapping and gentle. Let there be sunshine, dancing and dazzling on each small wave.
Let me sail to peace.

No comments: