She doesn't look a day over 29 (I think??) could be my rose tinted birthday glasses, but I think she looks great.
Anyway, happy birthday today Ms Scorpio currently on holiday in Brisbane, with no children:)
Sunday, 11 November 2007
Counter 0 Sanity 1
Its gone, couldn't have it on my page for a second longer. I prefer my faux privacy. Yes, privacy and internet are a contradiction in terms, I realise that....shhhh. At least this way, I have no idea. What I don't know, can't irk me. I woke up at 4.15am, what a pain, lay around for 40 mins and decided to do something constructive, hopefully tire myself out and go back to bed where I belong.
I'm not a fan of 4am, its that in=between time, no one is usually awake and the world is very quiet. The threshold time between night and day break. I remember in hospital that this was the loneliest time of the night.
I've made tea and a slice of toast. Hopefully prompting the body to become tired again, wateva, its just a habit, get up, eat. Nothing seems out of the ordinary if I'm drinking tea.
Strange but true, tea is my comforter. I usually carry my own teabags in my handbag, yep, wacko. Don't worry, I'm discreet, I usually make my own tea and don't fuss about whats on offer. My tea must be strong, with a dollop of milk, no more, no less. Some people brew tea, I stew it. Wow, that really got you sitting upright, didn't it. Fascinating.
Maybe I'm trying to bore myself to sleep? I can hear the birds singing, the sky is lightening. 5.30am is my usual wake up time. Its close to that now, but I feel ripped off. I dont want to be awake earlier than that.
I went to see Room 1408 on Friday night, forget it. It could have been so good, but wasn't. I can't believe Samuel L Jackson played such a role. That man is brilliant, for godsakes someone give him a decent role. I think John Cusack overplayed the role, too much tension too early when nothing had even happened. They should have hired the freak from Silent Hill, that had some f*&ked up FX on it. Especially those nurses.....scary. This was at the other end of the budget with a quite a few inconsistencies. The stroppy 14 y old on the candy stand gave me a bucket of corn kernels too, little bugger. Overall rating out of 10, save-ur-money-wait-for-the-video 4.
OK I'm slinking back to bed, pretending that I'm tired. My tea is finished.
h2
I'm not a fan of 4am, its that in=between time, no one is usually awake and the world is very quiet. The threshold time between night and day break. I remember in hospital that this was the loneliest time of the night.
I've made tea and a slice of toast. Hopefully prompting the body to become tired again, wateva, its just a habit, get up, eat. Nothing seems out of the ordinary if I'm drinking tea.
Strange but true, tea is my comforter. I usually carry my own teabags in my handbag, yep, wacko. Don't worry, I'm discreet, I usually make my own tea and don't fuss about whats on offer. My tea must be strong, with a dollop of milk, no more, no less. Some people brew tea, I stew it. Wow, that really got you sitting upright, didn't it. Fascinating.
Maybe I'm trying to bore myself to sleep? I can hear the birds singing, the sky is lightening. 5.30am is my usual wake up time. Its close to that now, but I feel ripped off. I dont want to be awake earlier than that.
I went to see Room 1408 on Friday night, forget it. It could have been so good, but wasn't. I can't believe Samuel L Jackson played such a role. That man is brilliant, for godsakes someone give him a decent role. I think John Cusack overplayed the role, too much tension too early when nothing had even happened. They should have hired the freak from Silent Hill, that had some f*&ked up FX on it. Especially those nurses.....scary. This was at the other end of the budget with a quite a few inconsistencies. The stroppy 14 y old on the candy stand gave me a bucket of corn kernels too, little bugger. Overall rating out of 10, save-ur-money-wait-for-the-video 4.
OK I'm slinking back to bed, pretending that I'm tired. My tea is finished.
h2
Saturday, 10 November 2007
Made a f*&^%$ mistake with that counter....
Hey, if you happen to be reading this I'm gonna let you in on a BIG secret......I put up that counter as a freebie widget from NeoEarth (cool site btw) to see how many people might cruise by. I didn't think anyone actually visited my page.....f*&% big mistake.
Now I'm freaked that people are reading it and I'm hooked to see if people are visiting.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, god get rid of this addictive personality.
If you are a cruiser and not a reader, happy travels, if you're a reader of my page, NEVER tell me ok? Cos I'm happy pretending that no one does. But now I feel like Truman, so I sort of killed my own diary. Dum ass.
Now I'm freaked that people are reading it and I'm hooked to see if people are visiting.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, god get rid of this addictive personality.
If you are a cruiser and not a reader, happy travels, if you're a reader of my page, NEVER tell me ok? Cos I'm happy pretending that no one does. But now I feel like Truman, so I sort of killed my own diary. Dum ass.
Friday, 9 November 2007
Once upon a Saboteur
She is a saboteur. She plants seeds of doubt and cultivates them as if they were newborn babies, so tender but so deadly. She makes jagged comments and undermines truth, hiding her fears behind commentary and supposed objectivity. She seeks comfort and understanding after she has created mayhem. She feigns sadness and distance after her motives are questioned. She plays this game really well and can spin all stories so that they might make sense.....in Oompa Loompa Land.
She is fearful and believes honesty is about criticism. She does not want to be wrong, She does not like mistakes. She is misled, she does not know that honesty is actually about looking in the mirror and knowing your own faults, owning them, embracing them and being able to see yourself in others without turning away. She will come to know that honesty is face on and standing upright. She appraoches with a smiling mask, a sharp tongue and a razor scythe that fits so neatly into her pocket.
She skirts the edges and never participates so that she can revel in the post-dissection and criticism of the bloodiest kind. She prefers a blunt knife for the autopsy, so that the pain is excruciating under the guise of detached observation. She is fucking angry. He needs to watch out:)
He actively buys into this behaviour by supporting Her analysis and criticism. He takes on the criticism as if it was His own and starts perpetrating that myth. He wants to be manipulated. He desperately wants Her approval, of which She will never give. She is angry, remember?He reinforces the lies, because he'd rather be unhappy than alone.
These two are perfect for each other in their own world, but woe betide this happy couple when they encounter the outer world.
She is fearful and believes honesty is about criticism. She does not want to be wrong, She does not like mistakes. She is misled, she does not know that honesty is actually about looking in the mirror and knowing your own faults, owning them, embracing them and being able to see yourself in others without turning away. She will come to know that honesty is face on and standing upright. She appraoches with a smiling mask, a sharp tongue and a razor scythe that fits so neatly into her pocket.
She skirts the edges and never participates so that she can revel in the post-dissection and criticism of the bloodiest kind. She prefers a blunt knife for the autopsy, so that the pain is excruciating under the guise of detached observation. She is fucking angry. He needs to watch out:)
He actively buys into this behaviour by supporting Her analysis and criticism. He takes on the criticism as if it was His own and starts perpetrating that myth. He wants to be manipulated. He desperately wants Her approval, of which She will never give. She is angry, remember?He reinforces the lies, because he'd rather be unhappy than alone.
These two are perfect for each other in their own world, but woe betide this happy couple when they encounter the outer world.
Thursday, 8 November 2007
Closed
Its ok, case closed, turning down the volume on this drama. I think I communicate clearly? deluded again. No wonder we wage war on each other. My ability to communicate my message varies on a daily basis. Some days I rock, other days I do not....seriously not.
Some days the drama is as huge as a wave off the coast of Hawaii, killer waves that can seriously hurt you if you happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Waves of drama that will pound you into the reef and carry on as if nothing happened. Need to check that tsunami alot earlier and warn the coastguard. I need to not let it get so wound up like a hurricane coming in to shore. Why am I talking waves, tsunami and hurricanes? Thats just me, I see situations as pictures rather than words, try and dig it if you can:) Its like asking me why the sky is blue, my answer is 'because its not green'....yeah, it only makes sense in my world:) Only waves that knock me off my feet and make me laugh for a little while, ok?
Welcome back boi, you were missed.
h2
Some days the drama is as huge as a wave off the coast of Hawaii, killer waves that can seriously hurt you if you happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Waves of drama that will pound you into the reef and carry on as if nothing happened. Need to check that tsunami alot earlier and warn the coastguard. I need to not let it get so wound up like a hurricane coming in to shore. Why am I talking waves, tsunami and hurricanes? Thats just me, I see situations as pictures rather than words, try and dig it if you can:) Its like asking me why the sky is blue, my answer is 'because its not green'....yeah, it only makes sense in my world:) Only waves that knock me off my feet and make me laugh for a little while, ok?
Welcome back boi, you were missed.
h2
Wednesday, 7 November 2007
Closer
The more I look at it the more I think its time to let go. The past week has been tough. First R and then M, I feel let down by both. My weekend away did nothing to eleviate that feeling but added to it. Like glitter turned to stone. E, H and V all viewed from far away, I could neither feel or value their presence.
People and places to be let go of, like a physical expiry date. That boat that I'm in, deep at sea with neither land nor people in sight is ever present. I just need to see a few more people face to face and make my decision. Indifferent, but softly, not harshly.
When I look at someone, I can see the corners of their heart, I can see what they try to hide from everyone else. I can see their darkness and their light.
What does that mean? It means I can tell when someone hasn't told everything.....I can tell if someone is hiding...something. Most times I let it ride, because it usually has nothing to do with me, not this time....Come hither, let me see your eyes so that any shadow or flicker can be recorded, every shrug, smirk, twitch, shift or scratch is loaded into my microscopic mind for analysis. Shall we meet?
My own heart has corners that even elude me. It is not a judgement, it just is.
So come closer, let us speak and let me see what it is that is not spoken.
People and places to be let go of, like a physical expiry date. That boat that I'm in, deep at sea with neither land nor people in sight is ever present. I just need to see a few more people face to face and make my decision. Indifferent, but softly, not harshly.
When I look at someone, I can see the corners of their heart, I can see what they try to hide from everyone else. I can see their darkness and their light.
What does that mean? It means I can tell when someone hasn't told everything.....I can tell if someone is hiding...something. Most times I let it ride, because it usually has nothing to do with me, not this time....Come hither, let me see your eyes so that any shadow or flicker can be recorded, every shrug, smirk, twitch, shift or scratch is loaded into my microscopic mind for analysis. Shall we meet?
My own heart has corners that even elude me. It is not a judgement, it just is.
So come closer, let us speak and let me see what it is that is not spoken.
Monday, 5 November 2007
Home
I arrived home last night and haven't felt so relieved in a long time. My space, my sanctury, my bed, my bones. I drank tea and felt my burdens leave me. Just stepping across the threshold gave me a sense of quiet and peace. I stood in the shower for 30 minutes and just felt the water wash away all my tension. Laying down in bed, the last of my worries left me, I sunk into my pillow, pulled my blankets up around my chin and found peace in my sleep. I felt so grateful that this place that I call home, is just that, my home, the place where I feel most comforted, the place where I rest.
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