I've been online dating. I haven't met anyone I wanted to see again, and in all I've had five dates. Its been fine, some of them were nicer than others, but no fizz, not even a twinkle.
I talked to a guy about a month back, good to and fro emails, all good and he was superkeen, not ordinary keen, this was the supersize variety......and it was fine until he offered to fly me up that weekend (talked to him on Wed/Thurs, he's offering airfare for Fri. He lives in another city, which doesn't mean much, given that you can fly the length of NZ in 2 hours...:)
Anyway, he offered to fly me up for the weekend.....and I came to a screeching halt. I'm an independant person and have earned really good money over the years, but no matter how much I might like someone from a written encounter, I'm not flying them anywhere. So in the pit of my stomach, I don't feel good, just because I'm not down with someone spending money on me when we've never met.
I declined of course and said I would prefer we just chatted and that I couldnt take such a generous offer, but that I often travel so we're bound to catch up soon. He said he understood and could handle the rejection (huh??, I'm thinking wtf??).
Anyway, I just chilled on that cos it sounded waaaaaaay too grabby. He emailed again on Dec 26th to say hi and I left it for a few days to reply just cos I wanted to. When I went to reply there was a different pic and a new name, so I logged into the dating website and had a look at his profile to see why and what the new profile looked like. I receive an email from him that night saying HA! caught you looking at my profile.....feeeeeeeeeck.
Upshot is, he is coming to my city for work and is here two days. I have an aversion to his grabbiness, but given that I haven't been in the game for a few years maybe I'm being paranoid? He said he's busy Thursday and Friday but has Thursday evening free....I actually offered to meet Thursday lunch. So I feel like there's a constant manoeuvring......which you don't really want me to feel....cos if I smell manipulation, I'll come out swinging like Mike Tyson on his best day.
He seems like a really nice person and I'm wrestling with my past patterns, but always I am hyper cautious when meeting guys. Most are truly harmless, but this one has me sniffing the wind from 300km.....
Of course there's only one thing to do to find out if this is a friend or foe. I'm trying not to let the hyaena's loose, but they're on high alert.
Dear Aunty Daisy, what to do?
H2
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5 comments:
Dear Watergurl,
I met my current husband, Tex, online a number of years ago, after having been a single parent for almost 10years. So, when you say you're feeling paranoid after being out of the game for a while, I can soooo empathise. I'm with you on the not flying to meet him thing; I'd be concerned he may think that obliged me to "repay" him in some way. But, I also think that a life without risk is a life without hope...that's a wanky way of saying I reckon you should set up a lunch date. My online man initially suggested dinner too, but I wanted lunch, probably for the reasons you did. It's daylight (good start), you can meet in a crowded place (if he's a freaking axe murderer you'll be safe), you can set finite time limits re: why you have to leave at a pre-determined time (have to pick up the kid, dog, drycleaning, get to another appt....) That way, if lunch goes really well, you can set up another date - if he's a dud, you haven't ruined the whole day (and there's less chance of him expecting to come up and see your etchings after wining and dining you at dinner).
For what it's worth - do lunch and take a risk ! You sound like you've got it all sorted anyway H2. Good luck - I hope for a juicy update.
Aunty Daisy.
Watergurl..."go the distance..." I don't mean literally, but figuratively. As you know, I met Matt 13 years ago through a dating ad (online dating was not the rage yet). While I never dismiss a "gut feeling", I think you owe it to yourself to have lunch with him. I guarantee that you will know within 30 minutes whether you feel smothered or not.
Whatever the outcome...you will feel better knowing that you tried. Plus...I get to live "vicariously" through your dating life---remember that it is winter here in the Midwest and I could use a little touch of drama :)
Dear Auntys :)
Well put me on the conveyor belt and order me chicken....both of your men came from unconventional sources...thats freaky. I hear you both, I will meet him for lunch (yes to all of the reasons you mentioned TM) and yes, you may live vicariously Sarah, LOL. If you need drama I have enough to power a small city for a year, just let me know how much your looking for and I'll fedex it over....pronto :) Just as an aside, I sent an unrequinted love letter last year to a man I lusted after 10 yrs ago. I had the serious hots for him, shaky legs, shaky voice, shaky....LMAO the whole 9 yards. He wrote me a nice reply, told me he was involved elsewhere, yadayada, but I have dreamt of him twice this week.....I have never dreamt of him in my life. Both dreams in a take charge/helping out way. Interesting. Thanks for your support :)
PS Sarah, by the time you reach 40 your gonna be in a coma in the afternoons :p
I might have to make my page private, invite only ................
Hi...I came here via Sarah's place and this is my first time reading so without knowing any more about you, here's my two cents worth.
Something attracted you to him in the first place..a lunch or dinner date is a good way to see firsthand if that initial attraction goes anywhere in person, but always trust your insticts which it looks like you have if you turned down the flying out to meet him offer. Start small..if after the first date you still feel uneasy about him..then you have no obligation to keep meeting him.
Your initial reaction could as you say be just jitters from being out of the game for awhile, and it could also be, he's out of practice as well and just coming across as grabby out of nervousness..a first impression face to face should tell you which is which. Good luck and have fun and be careful.
Stacie
ps..that's the longest first comment I've ever left in my whole life! LOL
LOL, thanks for stopping by with your wisdom Stacie, we can never have enough in our baskets. I need to send Sarah a cheque for her services in traffic redirection....
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