Homely Girl

There was once a manly woman who lived a series of dramas that were sometimes linked by life. Sandwiched in between the breath-holding acts of comedy were snippets of seriousness, sometimes depression and frequent bouts of unconciousness. Sometimes years passed without the slightest ripple in her demeanour, sometimes it seemed that she lurched from one ring of the circus to the next. But always, she lived just beneath the surface, submerged, undetected and fighting few currents.
Given her reluctance to be visible to the public it almost felt to her, that when she was visible, it might be apparent from the moon.
It wasn't her fault. She learnt much later in life about the power of attraction and the effect this power could have on all things in ones life, including embarassing moments. For some, this might number 5, but could be multiplied to 500 with someone that was obsessive in their concentration.
The mere thought of tripping on the stairs in front of a potential mate can then become a real- life slipping, tripping, bannister gripping, skirt-ripping, ankle-twisting, not able to rise from the floor ocassion. What is there to say when all dignity is lost with the somersaulting shoes, as they flip heel over heel in slow motion, the left hand reaches out for the rail that is no longer there and the body fights to maintain control in an uncontrollable situation, the limbs languishing like an epilectic octopus .
Quickly the physical pain replaces pain from shame. And at once the movie plays back quickly in her mind, and a genuine giggle escapes and rolls from deep inside her belly all the way up and breaks forth from her lips. The ability to view herself and her adventures from a third person perspective is a gift, an amazing escape from isolating humiliation and a welcome hug into the shared laughter that often followed her. Thus her presence can be strangely dramatic and comedic without the intention of either :) This year she turns 41 and still reserves a corner of her heart for teenage angst and craziness.
Know thyself, embrace thyself :)