I don't know what a meme is Sarah, but yeah I'll do it later tonight....
I have my roomies mother arriving from Japan tomorrow to stay a few days with her son.....err did I say running on empty, fumes people, fumes.
I'm heading to work, will be back to scrub house and meme tonight.
h2
Monday, 3 March 2008
De Partee
Well the dust has settled on the dancefloor, final rounds were at midnight and Cinderella slipped out to her carriage at around 1.30am
I've marked the occasion and I'm shagged.
This last weekend has been a riot of people arriving,people eating, people drinking and seedy people leaving. We(my family and I) had around 200 people arrive for the joint 21st party for my daughter and my niece. They were born one day apart and have always been joined at the hip. They are more like sisters, to the point they disagree on many things and just generally give each other grief and love in equal amounts.
Our first family members started arriving on Thursday night. I've driven around 300km this weekend in Airport trips alone. My family is not small, I have 5 sisters and one brother, plus partners, together we have around 21 kids. Only half of the nieces and nephews came because it was just too expensive.
So Saturday morning and afternoon is a mixture of making decorations, cooking food, airport trips and prepping the local club where it was held. We managed to set up in one hour flat before heading home to share two showers with 23 people......
My daughter had spent the morning being exfoliated, massaged and preened before having her nails acrylicised. The afternoon was spent shopping with her father for a new cellphone and shoes. Its hard being a princess :)
I arrived home from setting up at around 5.30pm, one hour to get ready before we were to be back at the club...hmmmm.....blood pressure increasing by one point per minute. I'm one of those freaks that is addicted to straightening my hair....I have a mane.....this is not a 12 minute job. Why didn't I do it earlier? Because I bloody well didnt, thats why. So I dive, literally, into the shower, scrubb like I'm in Silkwood and slither into my clothes so quickly that patches of my skin are still wet and clinging to my clothes....I tell myself, be calm honey-bunny, breathe, you are not competing in the Olympics, breathe. I drive over to my sisters house so someone with calm hands and 360 degree vision can do my hair. No one is at the club at this point, its 6.40pm, invites say 7pm start, its a ten minute drive, at least...
My sister (the mother of the daughter who is sharing the 21st) walks in wearing shorts, a tee-shirt and sandshoes, looking like she's been for a run. WTF???? I ask if shes ok? why isnt she in the shower? where are her clothes? Errrr she needed to pack the car with stuff? NOTE* Women in my family are control freaks, we do not delegate, we do not collaborate, only we know how to do things "right", because there are alot of "wrongs" out there. Luckily this illness in me has decreased to the point that I no longer worry about the cut of the sandwiches, the fold of the fucking napkin or the tie of the ribbon, but thats me.
So I leave because I immmediately realise that no one will be there to greet anyone, anywhere. My hair is half done, the underside is straight, the top remains bouffant. Its a new style, never seen before, trust me it'll be all the craze shortly.
I arrive at 7.02pm, people are milling around, the kitchen is in chaos which means we have alot of food to prep and my two friends are trying to make sense of our family system.
Its ok, within 30 minutes everything is back on track. The guests arrive and seat themselves, the music starts and away we go. The club is full to capacity and the smokers sit outside enjoying the rain (yes, its raining) and everyone is happy. I'm walking the floor like a prison guard, asking if people are ok, need anything, happy? ecstatic, cool, need a drink? why not. Am I calm? no, Stressed? just a little (mountain).
We have the speeches at 9pm, my daughters father gives a very good speech (do I sound surprised? I am...very) and my brother-in-law makes his daughter cry by being sentimental and loving, let me hear a collective awwwwww, it was spesh. I did my three minute speal and there were no 'Office' moments. I'm used to public speaking (surprisingly)and I don't flinch, sweat or lose my words. We hand over to the grandmothers to say a few words and this is where I should have picked up the tranquiliser gun. Ole nana can't get off the mic, she loves being in the spotlight and damn she loves the volume on this thing. She loves it so much she's adopted a fake british accent like our girl Britney. WTF? 3 minutes turns into 6, which becomes 9 and finally 12. People are getting restless and scrapping charis because a)its boring, b)no one knows what the hell shes talking about and c)can you get her the hell off? My own mother, when she managed to grab the mic off the Talkalitis Nana kept it to 2 minutes flat, one minute for each birthday girl. Ma, you rocked it like it should be.
The girls blew out their candles on a chocolate gateau and everyone ate a mountain of food, powered through 2k worth of free alcohol and rolled away into the darkness (in cabs) at midnight.
I helped clean up and a couple of us went to a friends hotel (gay male, no action)room to talk and have a few drinks. I ended up crashing out on his bed because I'd been up since 4am the day before and I was well and truly munted.
I drove home at 5.30am and rolled around in my own bed until 7am until I couldn't stand it anymore and finally got up.
I drove to my sisters house to find her wide wake like myself.....overtired and running on empty. Sisters of a feather, control together.
We had breakfast, silently agreed that we were glad it was over, gave each other a hug and debreifed on the events of the night before.
By the time our tea was finished everyone was awake and it was time to take the first lot of people to the airport for departure. Robotics kicked in and we put our tired faces away, put on our chipper faces and rolled.
I got home from my last trip to the aiport at 10pm, went to bed and played possum until 6am this morning.
Its over, it was great and its done
Carpe Diem
H2
I've marked the occasion and I'm shagged.
This last weekend has been a riot of people arriving,people eating, people drinking and seedy people leaving. We(my family and I) had around 200 people arrive for the joint 21st party for my daughter and my niece. They were born one day apart and have always been joined at the hip. They are more like sisters, to the point they disagree on many things and just generally give each other grief and love in equal amounts.
Our first family members started arriving on Thursday night. I've driven around 300km this weekend in Airport trips alone. My family is not small, I have 5 sisters and one brother, plus partners, together we have around 21 kids. Only half of the nieces and nephews came because it was just too expensive.
So Saturday morning and afternoon is a mixture of making decorations, cooking food, airport trips and prepping the local club where it was held. We managed to set up in one hour flat before heading home to share two showers with 23 people......
My daughter had spent the morning being exfoliated, massaged and preened before having her nails acrylicised. The afternoon was spent shopping with her father for a new cellphone and shoes. Its hard being a princess :)
I arrived home from setting up at around 5.30pm, one hour to get ready before we were to be back at the club...hmmmm.....blood pressure increasing by one point per minute. I'm one of those freaks that is addicted to straightening my hair....I have a mane.....this is not a 12 minute job. Why didn't I do it earlier? Because I bloody well didnt, thats why. So I dive, literally, into the shower, scrubb like I'm in Silkwood and slither into my clothes so quickly that patches of my skin are still wet and clinging to my clothes....I tell myself, be calm honey-bunny, breathe, you are not competing in the Olympics, breathe. I drive over to my sisters house so someone with calm hands and 360 degree vision can do my hair. No one is at the club at this point, its 6.40pm, invites say 7pm start, its a ten minute drive, at least...
My sister (the mother of the daughter who is sharing the 21st) walks in wearing shorts, a tee-shirt and sandshoes, looking like she's been for a run. WTF???? I ask if shes ok? why isnt she in the shower? where are her clothes? Errrr she needed to pack the car with stuff? NOTE* Women in my family are control freaks, we do not delegate, we do not collaborate, only we know how to do things "right", because there are alot of "wrongs" out there. Luckily this illness in me has decreased to the point that I no longer worry about the cut of the sandwiches, the fold of the fucking napkin or the tie of the ribbon, but thats me.
So I leave because I immmediately realise that no one will be there to greet anyone, anywhere. My hair is half done, the underside is straight, the top remains bouffant. Its a new style, never seen before, trust me it'll be all the craze shortly.
I arrive at 7.02pm, people are milling around, the kitchen is in chaos which means we have alot of food to prep and my two friends are trying to make sense of our family system.
Its ok, within 30 minutes everything is back on track. The guests arrive and seat themselves, the music starts and away we go. The club is full to capacity and the smokers sit outside enjoying the rain (yes, its raining) and everyone is happy. I'm walking the floor like a prison guard, asking if people are ok, need anything, happy? ecstatic, cool, need a drink? why not. Am I calm? no, Stressed? just a little (mountain).
We have the speeches at 9pm, my daughters father gives a very good speech (do I sound surprised? I am...very) and my brother-in-law makes his daughter cry by being sentimental and loving, let me hear a collective awwwwww, it was spesh. I did my three minute speal and there were no 'Office' moments. I'm used to public speaking (surprisingly)and I don't flinch, sweat or lose my words. We hand over to the grandmothers to say a few words and this is where I should have picked up the tranquiliser gun. Ole nana can't get off the mic, she loves being in the spotlight and damn she loves the volume on this thing. She loves it so much she's adopted a fake british accent like our girl Britney. WTF? 3 minutes turns into 6, which becomes 9 and finally 12. People are getting restless and scrapping charis because a)its boring, b)no one knows what the hell shes talking about and c)can you get her the hell off? My own mother, when she managed to grab the mic off the Talkalitis Nana kept it to 2 minutes flat, one minute for each birthday girl. Ma, you rocked it like it should be.
The girls blew out their candles on a chocolate gateau and everyone ate a mountain of food, powered through 2k worth of free alcohol and rolled away into the darkness (in cabs) at midnight.
I helped clean up and a couple of us went to a friends hotel (gay male, no action)room to talk and have a few drinks. I ended up crashing out on his bed because I'd been up since 4am the day before and I was well and truly munted.
I drove home at 5.30am and rolled around in my own bed until 7am until I couldn't stand it anymore and finally got up.
I drove to my sisters house to find her wide wake like myself.....overtired and running on empty. Sisters of a feather, control together.
We had breakfast, silently agreed that we were glad it was over, gave each other a hug and debreifed on the events of the night before.
By the time our tea was finished everyone was awake and it was time to take the first lot of people to the airport for departure. Robotics kicked in and we put our tired faces away, put on our chipper faces and rolled.
I got home from my last trip to the aiport at 10pm, went to bed and played possum until 6am this morning.
Its over, it was great and its done
Carpe Diem
H2
Thursday, 28 February 2008
Indifference
I'm feeling indifferent to many things today, my client, my faux beau, my work and my blog. Let them eat cake or listen to music.....
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
Dancing
I'm trying to break the barrier to my hundredth post. But of course writing about that is wasting writing space and sort of cheating.
The last week has been ......like entering the twilight zone, which seems to frequent my house on a regular basis. I enter my home and my whole perspective of the world can be adjusted within hours. I think too much. I navel gaze on a daily basis. My interior world is like a city with a million people.
Some days I feel like I have multiple personalities, I feel bi-polar. Maybe I am? I woke this morning to a tiny problem, but spent 20 minutes crying......yep, crying. Then I talk to a friend and manage to pull myself together.
Well, enough to head out to Bootcamp and teach a class of kids that are heading off the rails how to manage their money.....I think they could have done with a anger management class, self-respect class and communication class, hopefully someone else is looking after those human qualities....hopefully.
I slept from 6pm to 8pm, because I felt drained. I needed to sleep away some of the blues.
If I had a friend behaving like myself I would drag them into my car and take them to the beach and throw them in the water. Did I do that to myself? No, but I'm going to take a shower, does that count?
Its my daughters 21st birthday tomorrow. Hard to believe that she is 21 and that I gave birth to her all those years ago. I don't feel that much older. I actually gave birth to her at Manly Hospital, Sydney, Australia. Along time ago, when I had plans to travel the world and everything was fresh and new to my eyes. I didn't mean to have a child, it sort of just slipped...hahaha. Anyway, when she was 6 months old we moved back to NZ, I had proved my point that I could cope and give birth away from my family....we lived in clean poverty :) One sofa, a bed, one bedside cabinet and a fridge. Less cleaning thats for sure.
I've come along way since then, bought into the whole material culture, every gadget known to man and some not known to man :) Worked my way up ladders and back down them again. Bought and sold houses, traded on their equity, trading myself out.
Moved into new circles and discovered old circles.
Just a wee giggle at the end, because we gotta laugh.
I went to a party on Saturday night, a birthday party for a gypsy woman. What my friend failed to mention was that clothes were optional.
There was a funny vibe to this party and I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I knew the greeting hugs were going on for just a smidge too long.
A woman in her 50s sat next to me and asked if I was part of the 'gathering'. When I asked what the gathering was she replied that they were a group of people who were almost tribal, started 20 odd yrs ago and loved each other.....I'm thinking, oh yeah, ok, ummm sure, why not?
But now, thinking back, I think that little old lady wanted to show me some love.
My friend and I were hanging in the music room, the one with the black light and the stereo, nothing else. A woman in her 40s comes in and asks if we mind that she changes the music. No worries. So she changes the music and then she starts doing that free flow dancing, almost kicking my glass out of hand, not missing a beat, leaping across the room, gyrating and becoming one with the floorboards.
I start to laugh, cos I think that shit is funny. Especially when she is missing us by millimetres with her flailing limbs. Some guys come in take their shoes off and I'm thinking, shit, these people take their dancing seriously. Before you know it, the clothes are coming off too and the 'dancer' is being danced in a few ways known only in the bedroom. I take this as my cue to leave, just because I'm a big old prude that isn't down with swinging with strangers :)
I have to cross my legs as I step out of the room cos I'm laughing so hard.
My friend forgot to mention that the party was 'clothing optional' because a) I might not attend b) I might not attend and c) I might not attend.
I did attend and I didn't get my gear off, but I WAS entertained. Thank you free people.
I've danced all over this post so I better publish it, so that other non-humans can make sense of it.
H2
The last week has been ......like entering the twilight zone, which seems to frequent my house on a regular basis. I enter my home and my whole perspective of the world can be adjusted within hours. I think too much. I navel gaze on a daily basis. My interior world is like a city with a million people.
Some days I feel like I have multiple personalities, I feel bi-polar. Maybe I am? I woke this morning to a tiny problem, but spent 20 minutes crying......yep, crying. Then I talk to a friend and manage to pull myself together.
Well, enough to head out to Bootcamp and teach a class of kids that are heading off the rails how to manage their money.....I think they could have done with a anger management class, self-respect class and communication class, hopefully someone else is looking after those human qualities....hopefully.
I slept from 6pm to 8pm, because I felt drained. I needed to sleep away some of the blues.
If I had a friend behaving like myself I would drag them into my car and take them to the beach and throw them in the water. Did I do that to myself? No, but I'm going to take a shower, does that count?
Its my daughters 21st birthday tomorrow. Hard to believe that she is 21 and that I gave birth to her all those years ago. I don't feel that much older. I actually gave birth to her at Manly Hospital, Sydney, Australia. Along time ago, when I had plans to travel the world and everything was fresh and new to my eyes. I didn't mean to have a child, it sort of just slipped...hahaha. Anyway, when she was 6 months old we moved back to NZ, I had proved my point that I could cope and give birth away from my family....we lived in clean poverty :) One sofa, a bed, one bedside cabinet and a fridge. Less cleaning thats for sure.
I've come along way since then, bought into the whole material culture, every gadget known to man and some not known to man :) Worked my way up ladders and back down them again. Bought and sold houses, traded on their equity, trading myself out.
Moved into new circles and discovered old circles.
Just a wee giggle at the end, because we gotta laugh.
I went to a party on Saturday night, a birthday party for a gypsy woman. What my friend failed to mention was that clothes were optional.
There was a funny vibe to this party and I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I knew the greeting hugs were going on for just a smidge too long.
A woman in her 50s sat next to me and asked if I was part of the 'gathering'. When I asked what the gathering was she replied that they were a group of people who were almost tribal, started 20 odd yrs ago and loved each other.....I'm thinking, oh yeah, ok, ummm sure, why not?
But now, thinking back, I think that little old lady wanted to show me some love.
My friend and I were hanging in the music room, the one with the black light and the stereo, nothing else. A woman in her 40s comes in and asks if we mind that she changes the music. No worries. So she changes the music and then she starts doing that free flow dancing, almost kicking my glass out of hand, not missing a beat, leaping across the room, gyrating and becoming one with the floorboards.
I start to laugh, cos I think that shit is funny. Especially when she is missing us by millimetres with her flailing limbs. Some guys come in take their shoes off and I'm thinking, shit, these people take their dancing seriously. Before you know it, the clothes are coming off too and the 'dancer' is being danced in a few ways known only in the bedroom. I take this as my cue to leave, just because I'm a big old prude that isn't down with swinging with strangers :)
I have to cross my legs as I step out of the room cos I'm laughing so hard.
My friend forgot to mention that the party was 'clothing optional' because a) I might not attend b) I might not attend and c) I might not attend.
I did attend and I didn't get my gear off, but I WAS entertained. Thank you free people.
I've danced all over this post so I better publish it, so that other non-humans can make sense of it.
H2
Saturday, 23 February 2008
a touch of insomnia
Its 4am and I'm wide awake, even though I was exhausted when I hit the sack last night. Bugger, I hate that.
I wrote the most boring post in the world and deleted it. Better to say less and mean it.
yawn
I wrote the most boring post in the world and deleted it. Better to say less and mean it.
yawn
Tuesday, 19 February 2008
light
I've read my last few posts and I sound deranged. Where is my happiness and light? Jeez lighten the fuck up waterbaby.
I tend to plunge headlong into human ravines of sadness and wander around in the gloom for weeks. My apologies.
For the other 23 hours of the day that I am not posting a blog I do think alot and I'm also alot lighter.
I do use my blog to purge my darkness. Its a poor relationship, kind of like the freind that only hears the bad stuff about her best friends husband and then wonders why she saw them happy and laughing at the mall. This is a vital sliver of my existence, my door to free thought and expression. My personality doesn't change too much from how I am on here BUT my willingness to share so much in the real world does.
Its ok, there's a light in my closet, its not always dark.
I tend to plunge headlong into human ravines of sadness and wander around in the gloom for weeks. My apologies.
For the other 23 hours of the day that I am not posting a blog I do think alot and I'm also alot lighter.
I do use my blog to purge my darkness. Its a poor relationship, kind of like the freind that only hears the bad stuff about her best friends husband and then wonders why she saw them happy and laughing at the mall. This is a vital sliver of my existence, my door to free thought and expression. My personality doesn't change too much from how I am on here BUT my willingness to share so much in the real world does.
Its ok, there's a light in my closet, its not always dark.
Sunday, 17 February 2008
deadwood
There was an incident last weekend that I have not mentioned. It hurt like fuck and I am still digesting it like I'm being spoon fed week-old vomit.
One of my best friends mothers passed over in July 2006. I had known her since I was a young teenager, 14 to be exact and I thought of her as a mentor. She has helped me get my foot into a museum job some 15 yrs ago. Well loved by me.
Anyway, in the months leading up to her passing I supported my friend and as it got closer I spent more time with the family, cooking dinners, shopping for food, preparing meals, cooking dinner for 15 people to take the strain off. I was there.
I let her talk about her pain, her resentment, her grief. I just listened.
I visited her mother often. I never broke down, because I wanted to be brave for someone who was already sick and scared. I believe in assisting people to cross over by creating no stress.
I was a good friend.
When I asked W about her mothers unveiling (a ritual marking the one year since passing, when the headstone is unveiled) I was told that it was family only. I was a little hurt but got over it because I actually thought she meant her father, her brother and her sisters.
I find out in the weekend, that she actually meant family - aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins, 3rd cousins, 4th, whatever. I think when you cook 300 of anything that means there were alot of people there. In my culture the distinction is very blurred about the definition of 'family'. My daughter calls all my friends 'aunty' because we believe in shared parenting. So when I find that the 'extended' family is invited to this really important ocasion I feel like I have been cut a new rectum.
Fuck me.
So this afternoon when I sat down to write this post, I stopped at fuck me. I actually rang her because the feeling in my stomach overwhelmed me. I rang her and told her to cancel her flights for next month and that no matter how I turned it over and over, her comments still made no sense to me. I told her that I remembered her mother passing, that I had been there, just because of love. To give me a limp arse excuse about 'family' is a contradiction to our relationship. I told her that we're not friends anymore.
So W, I have cut you loose. Like deadwood, I have cut the limb that drains the tree. In truth, you weren't there too much for me anyway. I will not suffer adversely from the lack of your presence. I will try not to miss you.
Goodbye
One of my best friends mothers passed over in July 2006. I had known her since I was a young teenager, 14 to be exact and I thought of her as a mentor. She has helped me get my foot into a museum job some 15 yrs ago. Well loved by me.
Anyway, in the months leading up to her passing I supported my friend and as it got closer I spent more time with the family, cooking dinners, shopping for food, preparing meals, cooking dinner for 15 people to take the strain off. I was there.
I let her talk about her pain, her resentment, her grief. I just listened.
I visited her mother often. I never broke down, because I wanted to be brave for someone who was already sick and scared. I believe in assisting people to cross over by creating no stress.
I was a good friend.
When I asked W about her mothers unveiling (a ritual marking the one year since passing, when the headstone is unveiled) I was told that it was family only. I was a little hurt but got over it because I actually thought she meant her father, her brother and her sisters.
I find out in the weekend, that she actually meant family - aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins, 3rd cousins, 4th, whatever. I think when you cook 300 of anything that means there were alot of people there. In my culture the distinction is very blurred about the definition of 'family'. My daughter calls all my friends 'aunty' because we believe in shared parenting. So when I find that the 'extended' family is invited to this really important ocasion I feel like I have been cut a new rectum.
Fuck me.
So this afternoon when I sat down to write this post, I stopped at fuck me. I actually rang her because the feeling in my stomach overwhelmed me. I rang her and told her to cancel her flights for next month and that no matter how I turned it over and over, her comments still made no sense to me. I told her that I remembered her mother passing, that I had been there, just because of love. To give me a limp arse excuse about 'family' is a contradiction to our relationship. I told her that we're not friends anymore.
So W, I have cut you loose. Like deadwood, I have cut the limb that drains the tree. In truth, you weren't there too much for me anyway. I will not suffer adversely from the lack of your presence. I will try not to miss you.
Goodbye
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