be present today, see the opportunities arise and make conscious decisions. Stay in the here and now, don't fly away.
h2
Thursday, 24 January 2008
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
Co-habitation
Ummm, I have put an ad on a website for a flatmate. Its the weirdest feeling to have to put something out there that you really don't want to do, but have to out of necessity.
I don't want a flatmate, I love living alone, but financially I have to get real. I need the extra money. Done, end of argument.
I want a non-chattering, independant, working, down to earth flatmate.
Secret: somedays I dont like to talk. My family know this and just roll their eyes when I hit one of my 'i'm not talking today moods'. Wierd, yes.
I have a 3 bedroom house, thats all mine to express myself and my indulgent ways, its all about me, all of it, every inch....LMAO, I am an indulged child.
I know a flatmate will do me the world of good. Akin to sharing my toys in the sandpit. I need to stretch myself and my world....S H A R E
I just had a phone call from a young Japanese man who would like the room for 10 weeks, awesome, a trial flatmate :) 10 weeks sounds brilliant to me! He is on a one year working visa and leaves in April. He's visiting today to see the room, so I best get on with it and clean house.
UPDATE: I now have a new roomie, he moves in next Tuesday and his name is Shin, 29 from Japan, welcome to the Hotel California, Shin....
h2
I don't want a flatmate, I love living alone, but financially I have to get real. I need the extra money. Done, end of argument.
I want a non-chattering, independant, working, down to earth flatmate.
Secret: somedays I dont like to talk. My family know this and just roll their eyes when I hit one of my 'i'm not talking today moods'. Wierd, yes.
I have a 3 bedroom house, thats all mine to express myself and my indulgent ways, its all about me, all of it, every inch....LMAO, I am an indulged child.
I know a flatmate will do me the world of good. Akin to sharing my toys in the sandpit. I need to stretch myself and my world....S H A R E
I just had a phone call from a young Japanese man who would like the room for 10 weeks, awesome, a trial flatmate :) 10 weeks sounds brilliant to me! He is on a one year working visa and leaves in April. He's visiting today to see the room, so I best get on with it and clean house.
UPDATE: I now have a new roomie, he moves in next Tuesday and his name is Shin, 29 from Japan, welcome to the Hotel California, Shin....
h2
Monday, 21 January 2008
Terminated for being too rich
Imagine, anyone earning over 1 million dollars per year must share their wealth in a humanitarian way and show proven results or be terminated....can u imagine? LOL. I just watched www.warongreed.org
We got to legislate some of this crap i.e be good or Santa will sleigh you :)
Eat the Rich
We got to legislate some of this crap i.e be good or Santa will sleigh you :)
Eat the Rich
Loose
At the moment I feel like I have alot of unresolved situations or is that only in my head?
Some money arrived into my bank account in the weekend, so thats taken the strain off in that area because my sleep was definitely being affected by zero credit in my bank balance. I was bought up in a household of 7 children and two parents with just my Dad working on the Railways so I know whats its like to struggle. There was never any money for anything but food and rent.
I hit the peak of my earning in my last 'government' job that enabled me to live a middle-class life, but my heart wasn't in it in the end. I left with no where to go and thought setting up my own business would be a piece of cake......deluded again :)
So I'm in a familiar place financially and I don't really like it, the uncertainty freaks me. On the other hand, the thought of going back to work for Big Brother makes me feel ill.
I went back to my part time work last Thursday and I hated it. Not just the holiday to work transition, but the whole office, colleagues and clients situation. My boss is nuerotic and paranoid, constantly seeks approval and is quite condescending.....wierd combo even on planet Pluto. When I went to visit a couple of clients I felt dragged down and depressed when I left. I'm thinking WTF? Was it like this last year and I just didn't notice? So I'm feeling over it and its only been 2 days, I'm also feeling negative so I looked in the papers in the weekend for another job. I get $15 an hour.....I used to get paid $35.....LOL, shit, the princess has landed on her ass. I'd settle for $23? So today I have to work on manifesting $23 an hour :)
I texted that guy in the weekend, I felt like I got a lecture in return, but now I think I am being too negative and its affecting all aspects of my life. I don't want to be the 'downer' person, I meet 'downers' all the time and no one wants to hang with them because they make everything grey....sobering and embarassing....
My client came down earlier in the week and I have to let go. I get confused about stuff emotionally and I don't know if my expectations are realistic or not. I never know where the hell he's coming from, I never know his intent. The trouble is, we started from a personal place and things have changed so that it should just be business it feels like too much has gone on. I try and be friends but my friends aren't like him i.e selfish, then I feel guilty for not looking after him when he's here.....uuugh, I'm a headjob.
I think I need to get out of my skin, shed it and slither around for a while.
I'm not generally a downer, I visited a friend in the weekend and she said 'I love seeing you, your like a ray of sunshine'....hmmmm maybe just sometimes? I just bent over and kicked my own arse, it hurt.
Here's a song that I love, makes me want to get my roller skates on and hit the roller disco, anyone want to come, downers optional :)
h2
Some money arrived into my bank account in the weekend, so thats taken the strain off in that area because my sleep was definitely being affected by zero credit in my bank balance. I was bought up in a household of 7 children and two parents with just my Dad working on the Railways so I know whats its like to struggle. There was never any money for anything but food and rent.
I hit the peak of my earning in my last 'government' job that enabled me to live a middle-class life, but my heart wasn't in it in the end. I left with no where to go and thought setting up my own business would be a piece of cake......deluded again :)
So I'm in a familiar place financially and I don't really like it, the uncertainty freaks me. On the other hand, the thought of going back to work for Big Brother makes me feel ill.
I went back to my part time work last Thursday and I hated it. Not just the holiday to work transition, but the whole office, colleagues and clients situation. My boss is nuerotic and paranoid, constantly seeks approval and is quite condescending.....wierd combo even on planet Pluto. When I went to visit a couple of clients I felt dragged down and depressed when I left. I'm thinking WTF? Was it like this last year and I just didn't notice? So I'm feeling over it and its only been 2 days, I'm also feeling negative so I looked in the papers in the weekend for another job. I get $15 an hour.....I used to get paid $35.....LOL, shit, the princess has landed on her ass. I'd settle for $23? So today I have to work on manifesting $23 an hour :)
I texted that guy in the weekend, I felt like I got a lecture in return, but now I think I am being too negative and its affecting all aspects of my life. I don't want to be the 'downer' person, I meet 'downers' all the time and no one wants to hang with them because they make everything grey....sobering and embarassing....
My client came down earlier in the week and I have to let go. I get confused about stuff emotionally and I don't know if my expectations are realistic or not. I never know where the hell he's coming from, I never know his intent. The trouble is, we started from a personal place and things have changed so that it should just be business it feels like too much has gone on. I try and be friends but my friends aren't like him i.e selfish, then I feel guilty for not looking after him when he's here.....uuugh, I'm a headjob.
I think I need to get out of my skin, shed it and slither around for a while.
I'm not generally a downer, I visited a friend in the weekend and she said 'I love seeing you, your like a ray of sunshine'....hmmmm maybe just sometimes? I just bent over and kicked my own arse, it hurt.
Here's a song that I love, makes me want to get my roller skates on and hit the roller disco, anyone want to come, downers optional :)
h2
Saturday, 19 January 2008
dinner in thailand
I felt really apprehensive before my date on Thursday, like my stomach was gonna implode. I ended up changing it to a dinner date because I didn't have time between meetings to go to lunch. That in itself had my nerves jangling because I always have the first date during the day for safety and restricted time limits i.e if it ain't happening I don't have to endure beyond the lunch 'hour'.
The fact that I was still catching up on sleep from my trip up north and my clients arrival had me all over the place, not sure of what day it was or where the hell my schedule was (FYI control freaks always have schedules...).
I ended up texting L to meet me at a Thai restaurant in town around 7.30pm. I arrived on time and waited for around 10 mins because he was lost :) Given that he's from out of town, no biggie.
When I first saw him he looked very different from his profile, much better in fact. Not that he looked bad on his profile, just that the pictures weren't the clearest and I wasn't sure I would even recognise him when he turned up.
Tall, dark and not bad looking...........:) But of course that means nothing without personality. I really pleased to say that he is articulate, intelligent, kind, enquiring and a gentleman. Am I surprised, hell yes. He bought me dinner and we had a nice time. The food was great and the conversation was too.
There are a couple of things that could be an issue, # 1 is that he is affiliated with a religion, I am not and never will be. # 2 he lives in another city. Little big things. I didn't feel nervous, I was very honest and I didn't feel pressured.
I text him the next day to thank him for dinner and the good conversation, he responded by thanking me for the stimulating evening :) No, I wasn't rubbing up on him. We both agreed it would be nice to meet up again, I've already got an appointment in his city in Feb for work, so I guess that when we'll meet up again.
First offerings were good.
h2
The fact that I was still catching up on sleep from my trip up north and my clients arrival had me all over the place, not sure of what day it was or where the hell my schedule was (FYI control freaks always have schedules...).
I ended up texting L to meet me at a Thai restaurant in town around 7.30pm. I arrived on time and waited for around 10 mins because he was lost :) Given that he's from out of town, no biggie.
When I first saw him he looked very different from his profile, much better in fact. Not that he looked bad on his profile, just that the pictures weren't the clearest and I wasn't sure I would even recognise him when he turned up.
Tall, dark and not bad looking...........:) But of course that means nothing without personality. I really pleased to say that he is articulate, intelligent, kind, enquiring and a gentleman. Am I surprised, hell yes. He bought me dinner and we had a nice time. The food was great and the conversation was too.
There are a couple of things that could be an issue, # 1 is that he is affiliated with a religion, I am not and never will be. # 2 he lives in another city. Little big things. I didn't feel nervous, I was very honest and I didn't feel pressured.
I text him the next day to thank him for dinner and the good conversation, he responded by thanking me for the stimulating evening :) No, I wasn't rubbing up on him. We both agreed it would be nice to meet up again, I've already got an appointment in his city in Feb for work, so I guess that when we'll meet up again.
First offerings were good.
h2
Departure
The last week has been like 4 wrapped into one. I kicked off last weekend when a very good friend of mine text me at 2.30am to tell me his mother had passed away from cancer. I love this friend in all ways and I'm sure if he wasn't married with 4 kids I might throw in a couple more ways :) Smart, considerate, capable and funny he has been a very good measure for what I like in a man. A couple of glitches (we all have them, my glitchometer sits around the 4 mark)that includes an over indulgence in alcohol and a penchant for going out with the boys. As I am not his wife none of this bothers me, if I was his wife I might have divorced him around 15 years ago :) The person I see is not the same one that resides with his family. I'm realisitic enough to recognise this, but I still prefer to see the best of him because I know far too many asses (donkey type not buttock type) parading as men. I spent much of the rest of the night wondering how the hell I might get there given it was in the north island and I was poorer than dirt. But it flowed....like this :
A friend had come down from Wellington to attend a family event and was driving back the next day so I caught a ride back up the country to the ferry, managed to secure one of only two remaining seats left, 3 hours on the ferry we arrive wellington where another friend meets me at the terminal. we drive 8 hours overnight and grab 4 hours sleep before picking up another friend and drive the last 3 hours to reach the funeral service that morning. This is not a funeral service as you might know, we have a ritual which is quite particular to our culture. The person lies in state for 3 days, coffin open, people able to come and share time - talk, cry, shout, berate, laugh and remember that person all while living and sleeping beside them in a very big meeting house. Its very interactive and on the third day, usually before dawn, the coffin lid is secured (so that they literally don't see another 'day')and the service is held that morning with burial (no, not cremation or sea burial, it must be ground burial) and everyone comes back for a feast. Very similar to an Irish wake, a celebration of the person, their life and existence.
So I arrived in time for the service, saw my friend and cried, just because I know his pain and the burdens on him as the eldest. I watch him all day, putting on a brave face, getting all the jobs done, supervising the service and car to take her to the family cemetary (a secluded, sunny cliff top overlooking the Pacific Ocean, not a bad resting place, akin to paradise actually....) making sure everyone is taken care of, fed, acknowledged, wanting for nothing - giving, even when it hurts, still giving. Only one moment during the day I saw his mask fall. My friend stood off to the side while they gave the last prayers, my former boss approached him and put his hand on his shoulder and said a few words. I saw my friends downcast face, his eyes water and his head drop, only for around 5 seconds. Its terrible to be a man sometimes.
We head back and attend the feast before making our farewells, I still had to get all the way home again...
I hugged him hard and felt terrible waving goodbye, I just wanted to wrap him in cotton wool and put him somewhere safe where nothing could hurt for a while.
He knows just by my attendance from so far away that we don't need to talk about how sorry we are or about the pain.
My friends and I drove back down the island (stopped and swam in a pristine river because it was 40 degrees celsius) and I managed to get a very cheap flight from the north island to the south island for the last remaining leg of my journey. I caught up with a few people I know, managed to squeeze in dinner with one of my sisters before boarding my plane home and arriving back to my own bed at midnight.
occasion.
My big client arrived the next day for our strat planning for the year, started back at work the day after, so I've been overflowing.
My date........will be in my next installment....interesting.
h2
A friend had come down from Wellington to attend a family event and was driving back the next day so I caught a ride back up the country to the ferry, managed to secure one of only two remaining seats left, 3 hours on the ferry we arrive wellington where another friend meets me at the terminal. we drive 8 hours overnight and grab 4 hours sleep before picking up another friend and drive the last 3 hours to reach the funeral service that morning. This is not a funeral service as you might know, we have a ritual which is quite particular to our culture. The person lies in state for 3 days, coffin open, people able to come and share time - talk, cry, shout, berate, laugh and remember that person all while living and sleeping beside them in a very big meeting house. Its very interactive and on the third day, usually before dawn, the coffin lid is secured (so that they literally don't see another 'day')and the service is held that morning with burial (no, not cremation or sea burial, it must be ground burial) and everyone comes back for a feast. Very similar to an Irish wake, a celebration of the person, their life and existence.
So I arrived in time for the service, saw my friend and cried, just because I know his pain and the burdens on him as the eldest. I watch him all day, putting on a brave face, getting all the jobs done, supervising the service and car to take her to the family cemetary (a secluded, sunny cliff top overlooking the Pacific Ocean, not a bad resting place, akin to paradise actually....) making sure everyone is taken care of, fed, acknowledged, wanting for nothing - giving, even when it hurts, still giving. Only one moment during the day I saw his mask fall. My friend stood off to the side while they gave the last prayers, my former boss approached him and put his hand on his shoulder and said a few words. I saw my friends downcast face, his eyes water and his head drop, only for around 5 seconds. Its terrible to be a man sometimes.
We head back and attend the feast before making our farewells, I still had to get all the way home again...
I hugged him hard and felt terrible waving goodbye, I just wanted to wrap him in cotton wool and put him somewhere safe where nothing could hurt for a while.
He knows just by my attendance from so far away that we don't need to talk about how sorry we are or about the pain.
My friends and I drove back down the island (stopped and swam in a pristine river because it was 40 degrees celsius) and I managed to get a very cheap flight from the north island to the south island for the last remaining leg of my journey. I caught up with a few people I know, managed to squeeze in dinner with one of my sisters before boarding my plane home and arriving back to my own bed at midnight.
occasion.
My big client arrived the next day for our strat planning for the year, started back at work the day after, so I've been overflowing.
My date........will be in my next installment....interesting.
h2
Thursday, 10 January 2008
Engage
I have a list of things to do. Pay outstanding bills, check private mailbox, walk the dog, sort my house (again), mow lawns, tidy the laundry, finish painting in the kitchen. Removing the last of my kitchen cabinet doors for painting. Its a bit of work and nothing to do with my paid employment. But it will have long term benefit.
I am having my house revalued on Monday so I can re-finance my house, so that payments are less and I can manage a little easier. I'm in denial about alot of things and I really need to knuckle down and work out a serious plan. I have a loose structure to the way things can work, but its not solid. Its like having a vague idea of how much is in my bank account, but not getting a statement balance. Avoidance, again. In a couple of weeks I will be expected to pay around $800 per week in expenses. At the moment I have the capability to pay around half. WARNING, stress approaching, activate preventative managment system NOW! Confirm reality. La de da di dee.....
I'm feeling like a big baby. I fantasise about winning the lottery. I fantasise about something or someone else coming along at the last minute and saving my existence. Then I look around and realise no one is coming, there is no cheque in the mail and that I need to get with the fucking programme.
I am going to write up a huge list of things I need to do and tack it to the door, that way I can't move any where in the living area without seeing it. It would be so much easier if I could just be an adult and accept this list as my own life rather than a burden put upon me by some unknown lifesource from outer space. I think the word is "r e s p o n s i b i l i t y".
Shhhh that word is highly offensive to sensitive souls :)
H2 - sin-ical and listing.
I am having my house revalued on Monday so I can re-finance my house, so that payments are less and I can manage a little easier. I'm in denial about alot of things and I really need to knuckle down and work out a serious plan. I have a loose structure to the way things can work, but its not solid. Its like having a vague idea of how much is in my bank account, but not getting a statement balance. Avoidance, again. In a couple of weeks I will be expected to pay around $800 per week in expenses. At the moment I have the capability to pay around half. WARNING, stress approaching, activate preventative managment system NOW! Confirm reality. La de da di dee.....
I'm feeling like a big baby. I fantasise about winning the lottery. I fantasise about something or someone else coming along at the last minute and saving my existence. Then I look around and realise no one is coming, there is no cheque in the mail and that I need to get with the fucking programme.
I am going to write up a huge list of things I need to do and tack it to the door, that way I can't move any where in the living area without seeing it. It would be so much easier if I could just be an adult and accept this list as my own life rather than a burden put upon me by some unknown lifesource from outer space. I think the word is "r e s p o n s i b i l i t y".
Shhhh that word is highly offensive to sensitive souls :)
H2 - sin-ical and listing.
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